I was talking with a friend last night and I apologized for something that I could have done better. He said he didn’t forgive me. I was shocked. The parent in me thought about how I teach my kids to forgive people, but here is this grown man telling me that he wouldn’t forgive me.
Forgiveness means letting the energy of the situation go, so that the relationship can shift into a different space. Not forgiving means that the relationship will keep playing out the same patterns over and over, because the energy is still being supported. It is ok to not be able to forgive someone; it just means that you still have emotions tied to the situation. Thinking about what happened, and talking things through, can get you to a place where you can let go of the feelings and the situation.
If you choose not to deal with the situation, then you are taking the energy of the situation and tossing it into your subconscious backpack. Most likely, you already have similar situations in your backpack and that’s why this one played out the way it did. You wear your backpack everyday and it weighs you down. A goal in life is to empty your subconscious backpack so that carrying what is left is effortless. Adding more hurt feelings and unresolved situations to your backpack, or adding weight to the ones already in there, only makes it heavier.
Besides the obvious reasons to forgive, another reason is to let go of the energy of the situation so it doesn’t continue to weigh you down. By forgiving you open space up in the relationship so interactions can shift and become more positive.
Sometimes you will find people who are unwilling or unable to forgive. That’s their choice and it’s ok. You can forgive them and honor where they are. One day they might surprise you and be ready to forgive.